[As dictated to Tanya]
Peek-a-boo. I see you.
I see you admiring me. Who can blame you? I am handsome.
My mommy says I am being vain. I think this must be a compliment. I spend many hours grooming myself. Sometimes it leads to hairballs. Occasionally private bathroom issues too. I think it is funny (except when I get an enema) but my mom freaks out. She is a bit melodramatic.
Today I am going to share with you the importance of good hygiene. I am the perfect model for it.
1. Wash your paws before and after eating.
2. Clean your face thoroughly after every meal.
3. After using the litter box, stomp around the house to get rid of any clinging litter.
4. Sit by your pet brush and stare at your mommy. Eventually she will figure it out.
5. Don’t yawn in your mommy’s face. She will accuse you of having bad breath and look for a toothbrush. You should take the opportunity to hide under the bed where she cannot reach you.
And one final tip: always be suspicious every time your mommy turns on the shower. It might be for you! Be ready to run fast and hide.
It is not easy being as handsome as me. But if you carefully follow the steps I have outlined, you can come close.