I Feel Like a Horse’s Patoot

[as dictated to Tanya]

I feel like a horse’s patoot.

Look what I had to wear for Halloween!!

I look stupid. Do you know who would wear this? A dog. A dumb dog who doesn’t know better.

Do I look like a dog?

I do not think so.

I do not know why my mommy humiliated me like this. I am a very good cat. I am naturally handsome and an all around excellent cat. I never give my mommy any problems, EVER.

[T] You were constipated yesterday, and I had to spend $118 to get you de-pooped. I’m not sure I would classify that under excellent.

I have no idea what you talking about. Besides, that was yesterday. Halloween was on Sunday! If I was constipated – and I am not saying I was – it was probably due to the humiliation of being a giant pumpkin.

[T] You were a very handsome pumpkin.

Of course I was handsome. No costume could not mask my cuteness. But I think it made me look fat.

Do you think I look fat?

Does this make me look fat?

Silence.

MEOW!!