[as dictated to Tanya]
I would like to talk to you about a problem I am currently experiencing: lack of privacy.
Mommy hovers over me 24/7. She wakes me up in the middle of naps to check on me.
I am NOT okay. I was napping and now I am not.
And don’t get me started about my personal private business. She talks to everyone about my personal private business. Friends. Family. Strangers. You.
Emeril is constipated. Am not.
Emeril has diarrhea. Do not.
Emeril can’t pee. Can to.
Emeril licks his rump. So what.
Emeril has a shaved butt. Shut up.
You can clearly see this is a serious problem, but I will triumph in the end. I know her blog password, and when she least expects it, I am going to tell everyone her business.
[T] Will not.