[as dictated to Tanya]
What are New Year’s resolutions? Why would I make them?
[T] These are things you’re going to do next year. Sometimes they’re things that, maybe, you should have been doing all along but haven’t been. You know—like pooping.
I do not know what you are talking about. I poop all the time. Remember, I pooped this morning.
[T] Yes, I remember. In the hallway. Not in your litter box.
You are too fussy. You wanted me to poop. So I did. Meow!
[T] Are you going to make your resolutions?
I suppose so. But I still do not understand. There is nothing I need to change or improve upon. I suppose I could do the following next year:
- Eat every day
- Nap every day
- Bathe every day
- Be adorable every day
So those are my resolutions for this year. They are good. Yes?
[T] Well. Ummm. You sort of do those already. Very well, in fact.
So if I am understanding correctly. I am already perfect, and you cannot improve upon perfection. I win! Meow!