[as dictated to Tanya]
I know. I know. It is the day after, but it is not my fault I post on Tuesdays. Mommy would not let me post on her day, even though her post was nonsensical and rambling.
[T] Thanks, Em. I always appreciate your support.
You are welcome. I have your Valentine’s Day gift for you. Me. I am the ultimate valentine.
Mommy, why are you coughing? Are you still sick? Do you need some OJ?
[T] The depth of your humility always astounds me. That’s all.
Okay. I do not know what humility is. I bet it means handsome. I am rather handsome. So that is why I am the ultimate valentine: I am sweet and outrageously handsome. I am smart too. I am the best gift ever!
[T] Actually, I think the best gift ever might be diamonds. Yes. Lots and lots of diamonds. Do you have any diamonds for me?
No. But I did poop today.
[T] That’s good enough for me.
I hope everyone had a special Valentine’s Day, although I am sorry that no one got a gift as special as me—the ultimate valentine!