[as dictated to Tanya]
It was my birthday a few weeks ago. Mommy was sick, so she did not look at her pictures until now, which was fine by me. I was not a happy birthday cat. Oh no. I was forced against my will to wear a scarf. Cats, particularly cats named Emeril Wolfgang, do not wear scarves. It was very insulting. MEOW!
[T] It could have been worse. I could have made you wear the birthday hat too.
You did try, but I am too wily to keep the hat on. Plus, this seems rude and unfair. If it was my special day, how come I had to be humiliated? I should be showered with special gifts and treats all day. Not forced to prance around in a stupid scarf for your amusement.
[T] I’d really like to see you prance. I bet it’s very cute. You were showered with special gifts and treats, including your birthday scarf.
Well, take it back. I reject that gift. Exchange it for a big bag of treats. Or a new bed. Or a big bag of treats and a new bed. Even better.
[T] I can’t exchange it. You already wore it. And I wouldn’t take it back anyway. You looked very handsome in it, and you can wear it again on your birthday next year.
I most certainly will not. You just watch. You make me wear it again, and I will throw it in the toilet. You know I will.
[T] Been there. Done that. Do you remember what I did when your Halloween scarf mysteriously fell into the toilet? I fished it out and washed it. And made you wear it again. So there.
You are very immature. You just wait until your birthday. I will have my revenge!