Emeril’s Prayer

See the pose in the above picture? That’s what we call Emeril’s prayer pose. While I can’t be certain Emeril’s praying – if he is – this is what I imagine he might say:

Dear Top Kitty (obviously in Emeril’s world God is cat, duh!),

It’s Emeril. You know, the most handsome cat in the whole wide world. I wanted to talk to you about a concern I have. There is a lack of food in my dish. Not all the time. But sometimes. Please work on fixing that for me. Thank you in advance.

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Dear Top Kitty,

It’s Emeril again. Please make mommy unaware that I may be experiencing private bathroom issues. I do not want another enema. Thank you in advance for helping me with this private and personal issue.

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Dear Top Kitty,

It’s Emeril again. Please forgive me for being a naughty kitty. It was mean of mommy to not let me nap in the bedroom, but it was probably naughty of me to retaliate and pee on the bathroom floor. I feel particularly bad that mommy didn’t notice until she stepped in it.

Please help me not be such a naughty kitty. And please remind mommy it is her responsibility to indulge my every whim. So now that I think about it – this is her fault. So please, Top Kitty, forgive mommy for yelling at her sweet kitty.

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Dear Top Kitty,

It’s Emeril. Please, please, please, please….pretty please make mommy throw away my clothes. I hate them very much. No self-respecting cat wears clothes. Please, please, please make them go away. If you help me, I promise to always be on my best behavior, even though I am already a good kitty, so you might not see a real change in my behavior. But if you could kindly get rid of those awful clothes for me, I would appreciate it greatly.

Thank you in advance for your immediate attention to this cruel and unusual punishment bestowed upon me – a really good kitty.