[as dictated to Tanya]
Last Sunday was Mommy’s Day. She pestered me all day asking me what I got her for her special day. I thought her special day was my birthday. Isn’t that the most special day of all? I think so.
But she says no.
I do not like this word, no. No, you cannot have more kibble. No, I’m too busy to pet you now. No, you’re not supposed to pee on the bathroom floor. Oh No! You’re constipated again. (It is important to note that it has been three months since I have heard this particular oh no.)
She sent her mommy a card, so I made a card (with her help) for her too. It’s a picture of me: the most handsome cat in the whole wide world. The sweetest kitty ever. I cannot think of a better gift than me. I am awesome.
[T] Uh. Emeril isn’t this supposed to be about me? Not you?
Oh. Right. I forgot. Sometimes I get carried away in all my awesomeness.
[T] Yes. I can see how that happens.
Thank you for understanding. My mommy is the best mommy in the whole wide world because she is MY mommy! Happy Mommy’s Day to you from your favorite (and best) kitty!
And if you give me your credit card, I swear I will only use it to buy you a present. You want a new deluxe cat tower, right?