Super Awesome Emeril

[as dictated to Tanya]

I am SUPER AWESOME EMERIL. Yes. I am. I have superpowers. I am a super hero kitty. You may call me SUPER AWESOME EMERIL.

I feel it is unnecessary to keep my super awesomeness hidden since as soon as you meet me – you just know. I’m like Batman. By day, I’m a playboy billionaire. By night, I roam the streets, conquering any evil that dares cross my path.

[T] You’re like Batman? How exactly are you like a playboy billionaire? You have no money and you’re neutered.

Meow! I am exactly like Bruce Wayne/Batman. I have your credit card for emergencies. You take care of me like Alfred. And chicks dig me.

Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I am a superhero kitty with great superhero powers. I try to use them mostly for good, but sometimes I forget and am naughty.

1. I am the best napper. I can nap anywhere, anyplace, and anytime. Not everyone can do this. I know. Mommy gets mad at me when I sleep in too long. Sometimes she drags me from the bed and boots me out of the bedroom. It is very rude. But fortunately I can nap anywhere so I just go to one of my other super secret sleeping places and nap. Mommy also says I snore. I do not. She hollered at me the other night because she claimed my snoring kept her awake. Whatever.
2. I am the best eater. I can eat morning, day and night. And I do. I yowl for food. And mommy runs to fill my dish. I gobble it up and race around the house begging for more. Yet I maintain a sleek physique because I am superhero kitty. Lycra is not forgiving, so I work hard to look good in my superhero suit.
3. I am Emeril. Here me MEOW! I am loud. Very, very loud. I meow when I am happy. I meow when I am sad. I meow when I am hungry, and mom needs to get out of bed and feed me. I meow when I want to be brushed. I meow when I want to sit on the couch on MY snuggie. I meow when I want to play. I meow when I want attention. I meow when I want to be petted. I meow when mom takes me to the vet for an enema. I meow when mom gives me a bath after I visit the vet. I meow at the birdies. Sometimes I just march around the apartment meowing because I am the best meower – EVER.

So the next time you dare to step out of line – beware – SUPER AWESOME EMERIL will chase you down and MEOW at you.