[as dictated to Tanya]
I am mad. Hear me MEOW!
Mommy just told me the most awful news—she said that I will no longer post every week. I tell her that is impossible. My legions of fans will be unable to carry on without their weekly dose of Emeril cuteness.
She laughed for a long time. So long that I slipped away and peed on the bathroom floor. Guess who is laughing now? MEOW!
I can only post every other week because mommy is posting an excerpt of her short story on my posting day. Who cares about her stupid story, not me. Every day she sits at her computer mumbling to herself instead of paying attention to me. I do everything possible to get her to notice me. I meow. I jump on her lap. I nap on top of the laptop.
I finally resort to having personal private bathroom issues to get her attention. She got real mad about the three enemas I needed. It makes no sense to me why she gets upset – I am the one having the enema. They are no fun. And I should know; I have had lots of them.
Anyway, mommy and I are going to take turns posting every Monday. My posts will, of course, be superior to hers. I know you will miss your weekly dose of Emeril, but never fear: I remain adorable 24/7 even if you don’t get to hear about it.