Whatever Emeril Wants

[as dictated to Tanya]

Whatever I want—I get. Yup. That is my motto. Emeril rules!

This is no arbitrary rule. It is a household rule followed by all who dare to enter my domain. Emeril Wolfgang gets whatever his heart desires. And I desire lots of stuff.

I am hungry and want food now. I meow and meow and meow until mommy caves and feeds me. Sometimes when I am full of catattitude I refuse to eat. Mommy goes nuts. Finally, I cave in and eat. Mommy gives me lots of extra snacks because she is so happy that I am eating.

Mommy is watching TV, and I want to sit on the couch with her. So I pace back and forth in front of the couch, meowing and whimpering, until mommy finally sits up so that I can lay down next to her. If the snuggie is not appropriately spread out, I give a few more meows until mommy fixes it to my liking.

Mommy is ignoring me so I jump on her lap and onto to her desk. My arch enemy—the laptop—is monopolizing my mommy’s attention when she should be focused on me. I immediately pounce on the laptop and settle in for a victory nap. Mommy boots me off the computer. I jump back, meowing my reminder that I am numero uno in this house. Mommy boots me off the computer again. I jump back up on the desk and give mommy my Puss in Boots eyes. She relents and takes to me to the couch where she pets me until I am satisfied.

Yes, I live a good life. Because in mi casa, whatever Emeril wants—Emeril gets.