A Teenage Boy Kitty

[as dictated to Tanya]

Mommy says I have hit my teenage years and become super-duper lazy. I do not understand. I have always been super-duper lazy.

She has been grumbling at me for the past few weeks because I like to sleep-in. I am not an early bird, obviously. I am cat, duh.

She peeks at me under the bed in the morning and asks if I am going to sleep all day. I ignore her. She comes back later and yells at me to get out of bed. I ignore her. Finally, she grabs me and hauls me out into the living room where she rudely dumps me on the floor.

I try to go back to the bedroom to get a few more minutes of shut-eye, but sneaky mommy has shut the door. I go back into the living room, and she’s pacing around, yelling at me to pee and poop. I am a big boy. I do not need her to tell me to go potty. I can figure it out myself.

[T] If that’s so true – why do I always have to remind you?

Shut up. I am not talking to you. You are mean. There is nothing wrong with sleeping until 4:00 in the afteroon.

[T] Fine, but why do you have to wake me up at 5:00 am? Hmmmmm…..explain that mister.

You must be dreaming. I most certainly do not wake you up at 5:00 am. I am snug-as-a-bug in one of my sleeping spots.

[T] Yes, you are standing over me breathing.

Well, am I supposed to hold my breath? I do not think so.

[T] I’m not going to win this argument, am I?

Nope. Because I am a feline so naturally I am superior to you in every way. And even if I am acting like a teenager–and I am not saying I am–you have no reason to complain. I am still the most handsomest cat in the whole wide world. MEOW!