[as dictated to Tanya]
I wanted to share my Christmas list, so everyone knows what to give me—their favorite kitty—this year. But mommy said I need to share my gratitude list instead. Well, I am most grateful for people who give me gifts.
[T] Be a good boy or Santa might leave a lump of coal in your stocking.
I am the best and most handsomest kitty in the whole wide world. Santa adores me. He would never leave me a lump of coal in my stocking. Hopefully, he will give me a new pack of soccer balls for me to bat around, an oversized kitty bed, a deluxe cat tower, a new blankie and a book on how to hypnotize mommy, so she forgets to give me my medicine.
[T] Emeril. I mean it. Or else.
Or what? You’ll snuggle with me? Rub my belly? Tell me how handsome I am? No, seriously. I want you to do all of those things right now.
[T] I will as soon as you share your gratitude list.
Fine. I will. I am grateful for my fans, a full food dish, my special beds, my snuggie, kitty massages and my mommy. There. Are you happy now?
Good. Now let’s get to rubbing my belly and talking about my handsomeness.