[as dictated to Tanya]
Mirror, mirror on the bedroom closet door—who’s the handsomest of them all?
Yes. It is true. Everywhere I go people tell me how gorgeous I am. They do not lie. I am one handsome kitty.
It is not always easy being so handsome. Sometimes I want to travel incognito, but I cannot. People at the airport were pointing and staring at me when I went home with mommy. It is hard being movie star handsome, but I do my best to carry on.
[T] Ummm, Emeril. People were pointing and staring at you because you were the loud cat who wouldn’t shut up on the plane. And you were also a stinky cat.
Stinky cat? Stinky cat? Who are you calling stinky? I am handsome and sweet smelling.
[T] Sure. You’re normally sweet smelling, but you were a stinky cat when we flew home.
[T] Was to.
[T] You peed in your carrier.
[T] Did to.
If I did—and I am not saying that I did—it must be your fault.
Yes. It certainly is not my fault.
[T] I’m sorry? It’s my fault you peed in your carrier and morphed into stinky cat?
Yes. And I accept your apology. Now, where was I? Oh yes. Mommy. Mommy. Who is the handsomest of them all?
[T] You are. You stinky cat.
Meow! I can live with being stinky as long as I am the most handsome cat of all.