Mommy is tired and asked me to fill in for her today. Meow! Of course, I will help out, because I am the most handsome, smartest and kindest kitty ever.
Mommy said I could meow about whatever I wanted. After several naps, I finally decided what I want to share with you—I have arch enemies. They are mean, and I do not like them. They pretend to be better than me, but I know that cannot be true: I am the best kitty ever.
Arch Enemy #5: Chronic Renal Failure (CRF) or Kidney Disease
Mommy says I have it, and I don’t like having it. I tried to give it away, but mommy says it does not work that way. Mommy says it is why some days I do not feel so good and do not always have pep in my step.
Arch Enemy #4: Medications
Mommy says I have to take medication to feel better. They are yucky. My daily regimen includes a B12 vitamin, Jarrows B Right, a sprinkle of potassium, Pepcid, Miralax and aluminum hydroxide powder. I also have to take Ondansetron. It tastes awful. And mommy yells at me when I try to spit it out. I swear it is not my fault when the pill falls out of my mouth!
Arch Enemy #3: Subcutaneous Fluids
The horror. THE HORROR. Every night I lounge around the apartment, looking so handsome and pet-able, and mommy grabs me and sticks a needle into me. And it gets worse. While I am suffering this indignity, mommy think she needs to sing to comfort me. Mommy is not American Idol material.
Arch Enemy #2: Birdies
Those wily creatures taunt me every day. I will catch one some day.
Arch Enemy #1: The Vacuum Cleaner
It is loud and obnoxious, and it wants to eat me. Mommy chases me out of some of my favorite hiding spots with it. She thinks it is funny. I think it is mean. And some day, when the vacuum cleaner least expects it, I am going to pee on it. Meow!
Well, this has been fun, but now I am exhausted and need a little cat nap. After all, I have a reputation to maintain as the most handsome cat in the whole wide world, and I need my 20 hours of sleep. It is tough being me.