Hi Ya Everyone! It’s me, Mighty Max! I am super duper excited because Mama told me all about Christmas, and I have been an exceptionally good kitty this year. My Christmas stocking will overflow with presents on Christmas morning! I am the best kitty EVER!!
Don’t believe me? I’ll prove it:
- I am super playful and full of pep, even in the middle of the night!
- I can snuggle with Mama for HOURS!
- I eat like a horse. Wet food and kibble.
- I poop every day! Sometimes twice when I feel like showing off.
- I am very smart. I can open locked doors!
- And I am very handsome too!
Santa definitely put me on the good kitty list. Mama said that Emeril (prima donna kitty alert!) was Santa Kitty Klaus last year. He had to wear a Santa costume. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE.
As the best kitty ever, I want:
- A humongous, extra-soft bed
- The biggest bag of treats available
- Lots and lots of toys
- A deluxe cat tower so I can lord over Mama literally (she’s kinda short)
- Outdoor privileges. How come Emeril went for daily hallway walks and I don’t?
- A birdie to eat—I mean to play with gently and lovingly. Meow!
- A daily 15-minute kitty massage
As best kitty ever, I think Santa will fill my humongous stocking with all these awesome presents. Right, Mama?
[T] Well, that’s an awfully big list.
I’ve been an awfully good kitty, Mama.
[T] What about all those times you jumped on the tall dresser at 3:00 AM and played with the lamp, even though I asked you not to do that?
I’m very sorry Mama. I won’t do it again. Promise.
[T] Crap. You know I am defenseless against the Puss in Boots face.
Meow! I know. This is gonna be the best Christmas ever, Mama.
[T] Because I adopted you?
Meow! You bet, Mama. You are the best Mama in the whole wide world. You spoil me so well. I’m so happy you got me. And maybe a big bag of treats, some toys, a new bed and a …
[T] That’s it. That’s all. Santa has to save room on the sleigh for all the other good kitties.
Okay, no problem. Best. Christmas. Ever! Meow!