Hi ya, everyone! Welcome to another rousing edition of Max Monday! I am a good kitty. This is a fact. So you would think Mama would treat me like a King, but she did something awful! I am so MAD. Meowie Mad. Some people like to rant in their posts, so today I’m ranting!
So let me paint you a picture. It’s your average evening. Mama has just set out my nightly dinner: a generous handful (sort of, Mama’s hands are tiny) of kibble and some wet food mixed with warm water, so it’s extra saucy and just the way I like it! So I happily nosh while Mama retreats to the sofa to watch TV.
After I finish my meal and give myself a quick bath (a clean cat is a happy cat!), I join Mama on the sofa. She’s “multi-tasking” and watching TV and playing with her iPad. I don’t know why you humans have to do so many things at once. Do one thing at a time and enjoy it! (this is where I start ranting, just in case you were confused.)
I snuggle up next to Mama and she puts her arm around me and rubs my belly. I put my paws on her hand because she likes it when I do that and lean up against her, purring. I glance at the TV and it’s some nerds singing about a soft kitty, so it seems like a good show, but then I hear Mama making these “cooing sounds”.
She’s talking to her iPad and saying things like, “so cute”, “he’s so handsome”, “such pretty eyes” so I take a closer look at what she’s rambling about. What do you think I discover? What do you think I see with my very own eyes?
MAMA IS CHEATING ON ME!!!
She is on this horrible, horrible site called pinterest and she is “pinning” (why would anyone want to be stuck?) pictures of kitties she thinks are cute.
CUTER THAN MaxE? IMPOSSIBLE!
Even worse, some of those pictures are kitties BEING NAUGHTY!! Like this one!
Who gets yelled at for being naughty, even when he’s really not? MaxE, that’s who.
True story: Mama no longer puts toilet paper on the toilet paper holder because I ate it. LOL! Still NOT NAUGHTY!
Listen, I love my Mama. She takes good care of me, but she complains A LOT about me being naughty. And you know what? She’s no angel. Nope. Mama is NOT always GOOD. Sometimes she’s NAUGHTY too!
Like sometimes she gets a snack and MaxE doesn’t. NAUGHTY! Sometimes she takes my toys away from me (okay, technically it wasn’t a toy but a bag of cotton balls that I may have been eating). NAUGHTY! She won’t buy me a pet birdie named Yum Yum. NAUGHTY! She won’t give me extra treats. NAUGHTY!
You see my pain and suffering, right? And how does she repay me—by cheating on ME! Those are cats aren’t so special. I AM SPECIAL. Who snuggles with Mama multiple times EVERY DAY? MaxE! Who entertains Mama with his crazy antics? I do! Who is adorable and the Numero Uno Cat? Me, Me, ME!
My feelings are hurt because Mama has more pictures of OTHER cats than she does of MaxE on Pinterest. Why don’t I have my own board? WHY???
[Tanya] I’m sorry that I hurt your feeling, Max. But you do have TWO boards on Pinterest.
Huh. Well, that’s good. You still like ME better than those other cats, right?
[T] You bet. There’s only one, MaxE and he’s mine. And you know what? Other people on Pinterest can pin your picture and save them to their boards.
Really? I could be pinned on other boards, not just yours?
WOW!!! I LOVE PINTEREST! You are the best. Sure, there are other kitties on it but there is no way they could be as adorable as me!
I’d sure appreciate it you’d pin me to your boards. It would make me feel AWESOME! Okay, I already feel awesome, cuz I am awesome but it would make me feel EVEN MORE awesome.
Mama also tells me that when people use ALL CAPS and bold too often that it gets annoying. WHATEVER! Whew, it sure is exhausting ranting. I understand why you can’t do it every day. Gee, I really worked up an appetite and could use a snack right now. I’m going to go lick my empty dish and look sad. That gets Mama every time!
P.S. Don’t forget to pin me. 🙂