As I have shared previously, emotional eating is one of the areas that I need to address as I work towards a new healthy and fit me. Well, I had the opportunity—or more accurately—a test last week, and this time I won the battle.
I needed to run a few errands so I hopped into my car and start backing out of my parking spot, when I heard the dreaded screech of scrapped metal. Now my apartment’s parking is underground, so there are these huge cement posts and they are my Achilles heel.
This is my third run-in. 🙂
On the flip side, I have noted that virtually every post has scratches on it, so obviously I am not the only one with this particular issue. My parking spot is tight and only recently have they put a vehicle next to me. Previously, they never lasted more than a few days as the vehicles were all larger and I suspect the owners requested a different spot after a few harrowing parking attempts. The new car is a compact convertible so we do fit okay, but now it’s a lot harder for me to get in and out of my spot.
The scratch isn’t AWFUL, but it’s obviously not great either. So on my way to the store, my thoughts were filled with DUMB, STUPID, I CAN’ BELIEVE I DID THAT, PAY ATTENTION and on and on and on. They were ugly and mean thoughts, especially considering that the crime was small. When you consider all the mistakes made that day in the world, mine didn’t even rank in the top million, ya know. But to me, it was HUGE.
Wallowing in my negative thoughts, I spotted the lovely and enticing golden arches of a McDonalds. I felt an almost irrational desire to go through the drive-through and pick-up some fries. Or a chicken sandwich. Or maybe a chicken sandwich and some fries. Or even better: a chicken sandwich, fries and a cherry pie.
I was thoroughly tempted, ready to pull in and place my order. Inhale the food in my newly scratched car and throw away the evidence of my mid-afternoon snack before finishing my errands, giving myself plausible deniability the next time I got in my car.
But I didn’t.
I took a deep breath and knew the truth. I wasn’t hungry for food. I craved comfort, not food. I wanted a time machine so I could prevent myself from veering a little too close to the post and watch that scratch that seemed SO BIG, just disappear. I wanted to squeeze out the guilt and blame and ugly thoughts filling my mind by consuming lots and lots of food.
But I drove by McDonalds and ran my errands instead.
I reminded myself that in my lifetime a scratch on my car won’t even be remembered. And to be grateful for just a small scratch. I didn’t have to exchange information with another owner or worse—call 911 because I hit a pedestrian. It’s just a scratch or scrape. Pretty—of course not. But not worth stuffing my face full of food that I did not need. Two wrongs never make a right. I didn’t want to fall into old habits and overeat, then later beat myself up for both the scratch and emotional eating like the old Tanya would have.
Not this time. Nope, this time I won.
I’m making better choices and taking it one victory at a time.