I know. I know. Tanya actually wants to exercise? Well, I’m not sure if “wants” is the right word. More like, I need to do it, and I’m tired of finding excuses to avoid it. My big toe can only pretend hurt for so long.
I don’t enjoy exercise; I’m not remotely athletic. I was picked last (or almost last) in gym class. And it didn’t bother me because I did suck. I was scared of the ball (volleyball, football, basketball, baseball and dodgeball) and ran in the other direction. People walk faster than I run (in my defense I am short with short legs. Not exactly a winning combo, folks!). One of my happiest days was when I became a junior and gym was no longer required.
Youthful metabolism kept the weight off, but sadly youthful metabolism did not last as long as the Kardashian’s 15 minutes of fame has. So the weight crept up and I begrudgingly began to exercise. I worked out long enough to lose weight, then stopped until I regained weight and started all over again. I am dizzy from the never-ending weight loss/weight gain cycle.
Who Is This Girl in the Mirror?
Some days I still feel (and think) as though I am 25. Yet when I look in the mirror, I don’t see that girl, even though I still feel remnants of her lurking inside of me. Instead I see a once happy, vibrant girl slowly suffocate underneath the excess weight she carries staring back at me with desperate eyes. Her small feet shuffle instead of skip. Her smile, once so enticing, fades quickly into nothingness. She is a shadow of her former self.
This is on me.
I don’t say that to illicit pity or as a form of self-flagellation. It’s a statement of fact. No one forced me to overeat or to soothe my emotions with food. I did that all by myself. I’d stuff my face with mediocre food while screaming inside to stop. But I didn’t. I’m the one who chose to stop exercising, even when I knew better.
This is truth. It’s not always easy to face and accept responsibility, but if I truly want this time to be different, than I must.
The good news I also know what I need to do now.
Exercise Has to Be a Part of Me Going Forward
Old Tanya would have exercised long enough to lose a few pounds, then she would have immediately stopped. New Tanya realizes exercise needs to be a part of her ongoing life. I may never love exercise the way that I love MaxE, but I will love feeling healthy and fit. Exercise is a necessary ingredient to make that my new reality.
Some people love to share personal goals publicly because they believe it helps keep them more accountable. It just makes me break out in hives. (And it’s important to note that Old Tanya would have used the hives as an excuse not to work out.) But all scratching aside, I need to be held accountable.
My Exercise Goal
I’m focused on weekly goals because a month gives me too many opportunities to procrastinate. Old Tanya would have created an elaborate, unrealistic goal, but New Tanya is apparently far more practical than Old Tanya. So here is my pledge to me: I will do two 45 minute power walks at the beach before next week’s Wednesday post.
This may seem like a small step to you, but it’s a gigantic one for me. And I’m even looking forward to my walk.
And no, I have not been hijacked by aliens. 🙂
oooh which beach? Exercise is one of those things where inertia is a big factor. At first most people hate exercise, but there does come a turning point where you can’t live without it, and it makes you feel so much better, and so crappy if you miss a workout. It’s just difficult for most people to get to that point. It’s never too late. I was also the last picked on every sports team in school, was afraid of (most) balls, and I’m short too. But I became a LILA (late in life athlete). It’s possible!
The one in LBC. Is it bad that I don’t know which beach it actually is? 🙂 I want to find that turning point because I have never made it to that point before but I would really like to experience it. I generally don’t regret working out, even when I drag my feet to get there and pout like a big baby on my way to the beach, but I’ve never felt out of sorts because I missed a workout. I’d kinda like to see what that feels like! I assumed you were always a volleyball maestro and runner, so there is definitely hope for me! Thanks for the encouragement – I need it! It’s hot out and I don’t like hot but I am determined to go for my walk tomorrow. Thank goodness I actually like walking right along the edge of the water—the cold water will feel good!
Girl I can so relate to you! I only started being dedicated to working out last year. Not because I wanted to but because I had to and like you, I was tired of finding excuses.
I figured if I was tired of what I saw in the mirror I needed to do something about it and yep, it starts with me.
I go up and down with weight too. Right now I’m at a steady size 12 but those damn 14’s can creep up fast if I don’t watch what I eat.
I wish I had the view you did…power walking on the beach! I would do it every day! But while I’m on the treadmill I’ll close my eyes and I’ll be there with you in spirit!
I don’t like long goals either…I just have a goal to walk 45 minutes a day no less than three times a week.
Good luck Tanya! You have my support girl!
It is incredibly unfair, in my opinion, how easy it is to regain weight and how hard is to lose weight. I’ve yo-yo dieted for many years and every time I packed on a few more pounds than before. I’m tired of it. I have a closet full of super cute clothes that I want to wear but can’t. I want to wear cute summer dresses! Those are reasonable goals and aspirations, right? 🙂
I love the ocean and it pains me that I don’t take advantage of the amazing view to walk more often. I have a love/hate relationship with treadmills. They are great because they keep you at the same pace and I tend to slow down without realizing it, but they aren’t as fun as being outside.
We’ll cheer each other on, Corina! I appreciate your support!
“One of my happiest days was when I became a junior and gym was no longer required.” Ha, ha, ha, ME TOO!!! Oh my gosh, I hated gym or P.E. as it was called in my HS. 🙂
Good luck to you Tanya! You can do it!! 🙂
I’m glad I’m not the only one who cleaned out their gym locker with glee on her last day of school as sophomore! Thanks, Mackenzie – I’m ready to exercise on my terms.
No one ever wants to exercise. Let’s face it, it hurts! But, doing it makes for a healthier, happier life from what I’ve heard. Congrats on building the motivation to get started…I’m right behind ya!
Excellent, Josh! We’re all making positive changes … and I’m banking on the healthier, happier life becoming a reality. 🙂
Exercise has really changed for me over the years. For decades I did it to look good, lose weight, etc. Now I don’t. I do it for fun. I walk, bike ride or hike, either by myself, with family or with friends. I don’t try and make record time, but instead enjoy the view, the scenery and the conversation, if there is any. I exercise to renew my spirit and refresh my body, and it is SO much more fun this way. 🙂 Good for you for standing strong and doing what’s best for Tanya. 🙂
I think that’s the key, Laurie – it renews your spirit and body. Yes, it helps you stay fit and all that good stuff, but it can be so much more than that too. And I need to focus on how good the sun feels on my skin, the sounds of the waves and let myself get recharged. It is more fun when you enjoy the sights and sounds. Thanks for your support, Laurie!
Aww, the middle part where you talked about your smile quickly fading away made me so sad – I always picture you as smiling and perky, so I don’t like hearing that it’s otherwise. This being said, I do know it happens sometimes, and I’m glad that you are making steps towards excercise (no pun intended). That sounds like a great goal for this week Tanya – I look forward to next week’s post! Bring sunscreen and water, too, it might be hot in SoCal this weekend. So proud of you for making this step, girl. 🙂
I am normally a pretty happy person, but I find that this extra weight is really weighing me down (and my pun was intended!). But I am glad that it something that I can fix if I do the work. And wanting to be happy and having my outside match my inside is good motivation to make the change.
Hey Tanya,
I feel for you girl because I hate to exercise too. Oh, I so need it but my body is beyond repair. The only way it will ever look good again is with surgery and that’s probably not going to happen. Long story, trust me!
But I’m not overweight so exercising for that reason isn’t my issue. I do walk every day though and started that probably a good five years ago now. As you probably have heard me talk about my Dad, he had cancer for over 42 years and the doctor told him that walking was the best thing he could do. He probably lived about 10 years longer then he should but the doctor did say that walking had a lot to do with it so walking it is. That’s about all you’re going to get from me. I enjoy it though, it’s nice to take a stroll everyday so just know that it’s SO good for you.
I’ll wish you the best and you’ll do great.
~Adrienne
Hey Adrienne,
Yes, I have heard you talk about your Dad. I didn’t realize he had cancer for 42 years though. That’s amazing that walking helped him so much. I know it’s not super glamorous but it does make a difference. It’s not always easy for me to get out bed and get to the beach, but once I am there – I am so glad to to be there. Thanks for your support!