Hi ya, everyone! I hope you had a good holiday weekend. I’m not entirely sure what was so super special about it. Mama said it was something about us having the freedom to choose how we live and think. Well, I’m a feline. We are ALWAYS free to do what we please. NO MATTER WHAT. This is obviously why cats rule!
Anyway, as I took multiple naps to celebrate my freedom to nap whenever I want, I got the brilliant idea to write my resume. As a successful cat-a-prenuer, it only makes sense that I have one. You never know when someone might want to hire me. It’s best to be prepared. So I meowed to Mama about my idea. She rolled her eyes, but after I knocked some dishes over in the middle of the night, waking her up in a panic, she agreed to help me.
They don’t call me Chief Mischief Maker for nothing! I earned that title!
So without further ado, here is my totally awesome resume!
Max, the Cat-a-Prenuer
Address: Mama’s apartment. Phone #: N/A — paws too big for touch-screen!
Summary of Qualifications:
I am a cat.
- I am an excellent napper, snoozing up to 18 hours a day.
- I am super playful with superb mischief-making abilities.
- I am creative — the first cat-a-prenuer. I even have an investor. Mama gave me $1 to start my business. I am confident that I will be able to pay her back within five years, maybe six years.
- I am super smart. I can open doors, even locked doors! Mama says that I cannot be hired to burgle on your behalf. If you need a cat burglar, Mama recommends Cat Woman. I do not know her, so I cannot personally vouch for her abilities. Mine, of course, are excellent, but sadly those skills are not for hire.
- I am a hearty eater. I eat both wet and dry food and always clean my plates and bowls. And I LOVE treats.
- I pee and poop like a champion. I am not 100% sure this is relevant, but Mama sure gets excited whenever I use the litter box. She’s kind of like a potty patrol.
- I have excellent personal hygiene. I spend at least half of my waking hours grooming my fur to ensure it is immaculate. A clean cat is a happy cat.
- I am ADORABLE. And handsome too. I would be perfect for your next cat movie or TV show. My demands are reasonable. A birdie name Yum Yum for me to eat … I mean to chase around my pimped out trailer.
- I am a cat.
Max is a Cat-for-Hire
Wow! I have some mad skills! If you have a job that is suited to my many talents, please consider hiring me. You won’t regret it! My rates are reasonable (tummy rubs, cats treats and toys) and I even have references. Okay, a reference — Mama will vouch for me. She says I am the bestest cat ever.
And I am.