Hi ya, everyone! It’s another Max Monday! And I got HUMONGOUS news. Yup, MaxE has received an award for being the very bestest [sic] cat blogger in the whole wide world. I accept this award humbly because I am totally awesome and deserve it!
Tanya: Ummmm … Max. I’m not entirely sure you won this award. And it’s not really a “best” blogger award where people vote for you.
Max: I don’t understand. I am awesome.
Tanya: Yes, I think you’re awesome, but I think, maybe, the award was given to me.
Max: That’s not what I think.
Tanya: Sure, sure. You are entitled to your opinion, MaxE. But I feel quite confident that it wasn’t intended solely for you.
Max: Why not? How can you be a better blogger than me? I can’t read or type and I blog every Monday!
Tanya: Fair enough. Why don’t we share the award?
Max: I suppose I could graciously permit you to share in my award with two conditions.
Tanya: Okay, what are your conditions?
Max: First, I get top billing. Max and Mama received the Versatile Blogger Award. Second, I get an extra handful of treats today. Those are my terms. Do you accept them, Mama?
Tanya: Well, you drive a hard bargain. But after much contemplation and eye-rolling, I will accept your terms.
Max: Excellent. So where is my trophy?
Tanya: There is no trophy per se. You get to share unknown facts about yourself so our readers get to know us a bit better.
Max: NO TROPHY!! No way, man! MaxE needs a trophy!
Tanya: No, you don’t.
Max: Yes, I do.
Tanya: Okay, then I shall strike your name from the award and it will belong to me.
Max: Whaaaaatttt! No way! Fine, I will accept my invisible trophy. Let it never be said that Mighty Max is not an accommodating feline.
Tanya: Right! So would you like to go first?
Max: Duh, Mama! I get top billing; I get to answer first. Let’s see: You already know that I am cool. And super clever. And a mischief-maker. But do you know what I’m not? Constipated. Mama has never had to spend hundreds of dollars on enemas because I can’t poop! Mama says I poop like a rock star! Apparently they poop a lot! And I can pee just fine too. MaxE does not need surgery to pee unlike other certain felines (cough, cough Emeril). Your turn, Mama!
Tanya: TMI, Max. I’m not sure if people are as interested in your bowel movements the way I am. Okay, my turn: I used to be scared of dogs. It was kind of weird because once I got comfortable around them, they liked me and I liked them. Eventually, I found out a neighbor’s dog liked to jump on me and knock me over when I was a toddler. It was just playing, but it scared me. And for many years, I always said I didn’t like dogs.
Max: Dogs are dumb. Cats are clearly the superior animal.
Tanya: Max! That’s mean. Lots of people have doggies and they love them very much.
Max: Weird. Trust me, once you go feline, you will never go doggie again.
Tanya: I don’t think that’s true.
Max: Whatever. Is it my turn to share again? Okay! My favorite color is orange. My second favorite color is white. Do you know who is orange and white?
Tanya: That’s just lame, MaxE. So lame.
Max: You’re just jealous that you’re not as clever as I am. And the answer is MaxE! Meow!
Tanya: Uh-huh. I’m Korean and I hate kimchee. Bleech!
Max: Is kimchee a cat treat?
Max: A cat toy?
Max: I don’t like it either.
Max: I sometimes have nightmares. Awful, awful nightmares. Where me, MaxE, the coolest and most clever cat, is tormented by a birdie. This rude birdie flies above me, chirping away, and I can’t jump high enough to catch it. I might need to see a therapist.
Tanya: Is that why your feet kick while you’re sleeping?
Max: Maybe. Yes. Can you find a cat therapist for me?
Tanya: I am your cat therapist, Max.
Max: Okay, after this I will lie down on the sofa and you can rub my belly.
Tanya: How does that help?
Max: I don’t know. It just feels good. Your turn.
Tanya: I am a plant serial killer with the blackest thumb. Once one of my co-workers gave her plants away to everyone, except me, when she leaving for a new job. I felt a little hurt because we were pretty good buddies. Finally, she came over and explained why she didn’t give me one. I had killed every single plant that I brought into the office. She was leaving to become a personal trainer, so she couldn’t take them with her and wanted people who … you know … wouldn’t forget to water them.
Max: You have a black thumb? That’s so cool!
Tanya: Not literally, Max.
Max: Oh, that’s less cool then. Last one so I should make a great one. My name is Maximillian Emeril and I am the best kitty EVER!!
Tanya: Are you sure that’s a fact?
Tanya: An unknown fact?
Max: Mama, we have new readers every day and they may not know how cool I am. So it’s really smart of me to let them know. I’m sure they appreciate it.
Tanya and Max: Thanks to Debt from Debt Debs for our nomination. We appreciate it very much! We’re supposed to nominate 15 people, but since Max and I are weird, we’re just going to nominate YOU, dear reader. So if you blog, share with us 7 super secrets about you on your blog. And if you don’t, share some fun facts with us in the comments. 🙂
Tanya and Max