Hi ya, everyone! Welcome to another Max Monday. We can all agree that MaxE is a pretty mellow feline, right? I tolerate a lot with good humor and zero complaints. But a feline, even as cool as me, can only take so much before he needs to MEOW! Today, I’m meowing up a storm!
Meow Rant #1: Zero Patio Privileges
This is plain rude. RUDE! Mama knows that I adore the patio, especially if she holds me so that I can see over the railing. But she NEVER does this. Even when I beg and look adorable, which is 24/7! She can go on the patio whenever she pleases, but she always, always, ALWAYS shuts the screen door on my handsome face. I am a great cat burglar but that screen door lock is tricky!
Meow Rant #2: No Hallway Rambles
These one really riles me up. Meow! Meow! It’s not fair. Mr. I Can’t Poop got daily walks in the hallway. Mama won’t even let me peek outside. She claims to not trust me. Why? I am a very trustworthy feline. I don’t steal food off her plate. I don’t tell her secrets. I am always well-behaved. It makes no sense to me.
Meow Rant #3: Too Many Clothes
God made cats regal, clever AND furry, so we are fully clothed at ALL TIMES. We don’t need no stinking clothes! That stupid scarf, hat or costume you force me to wear makes me look STUPID, not cute. I am already adorable! I am deeply concerned because Halloween is fast approaching and Mama has already been going through my cat clothes. I want to be a cat for Halloween! Please tell Mama you don’t want me to dress-up.
Meow Rant #4: Brushing = Ouch!
Theoretically it sounds great, right? It should mean less work for me and feel very soothing. But it’s awful. Mama is an aggressive fur brusher. She pulls and yanks because brushing out a big mound of MY FUR makes her happy. But what about me? What about my happiness? I feel sore and put out. The good news is she doesn’t do it very often. The bad news she does it after I puke up a hairball. I had a hairball this week.
Meow Rant #5: Being Ignored
This one really rubs my furry tushy the wrong way. Imagine this, I am sleeping peacefully under the bed. When suddenly, somebody grabs my foot and tickles it. “MaxE, whatcha doing?” or “MaxE, are you sleeping?” and worst of all, “MaxE, Mama just wants to say hi!”
Now it’s just plain rude to wake me up, but it gets even worse. Even though I’m feeling a little irritable that Mama woke me up, I think maybe she wants to play. So I dash out from underneath the bed and scamper into the living room. I leap into my cat tree, ready to fend off a feather brush attack.
And does Mama do?
She goes to her desk and IGNORES ME!
She wakes me up to IGNORE ME! Do you understand why I am so mad? I’d hack up another hairball if I wasn’t concerned that Mama might pull out all my fur and then I would really need to wear clothes.
Don’t Worry, I Still Love My Mama
Mama drives me nuts some days, but she’s still my favorite toy. She rubs my belly, buys me toys (but please, no more clothes!) and gives me treats. When I do throw-up a hairball, she pets me and tells me it’s okay and she’s not mad. She tells me I’m her best boy and even though she annoys me sometimes, she’s the best Mama too.