Max Mondays: Dealing with Mama Drama

Hi ya, everyone! Did you miss me last week? I’m not so sure I like rotating every Monday with Mama. I always have plenty of things to meow about and need my weekly space to get them off my chest. Today I’m bursting with stuff to tell you, like how annoying Mama can be. Seriously.

Don’t get me wrong: I love my Mama! She treats me like royalty (as she should) and caters to my every whim (as she should), but man! She can be a Drama Mama! Let me paint a picture for you.

Imagine this – a handsome, clever tabby cat is innocently sleeping in his pink cat tower, which does not emasculate him … at all. Suddenly, his nose twitches and he sneezes. ACHOOOO!

“Bless you, MaxE!” his Mama says.

This super cool cat starts to drift back to sleep when he sneezes again. ACHOOOOO!

Long pause.

“Bless you.” Mama doesn’t sound so cheery now. In fact, she sounds a bit disgruntled.

Uh-oh.

Now this fine feline specimen is a bit worried because he feels another … ACHOOOO, ACHOOOOO, ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Now his Mama is feeling his ears to see if he has a temperature. Trying to get him to open his mouth so she can look at his tongue and gums. Peering in his ears. All while she waves her arms around and hops around my cat tower, squawking and wailing. She’s like a new born birdie trying to take flight.

It’s really annoying.

Then she says, “MaxE, are you sick?”

Meow! No, I sneezed.

She makes her worried face. “I think you have a cold. Cats don’t get colds. You’re sick.”

The tone of her voice sends chills down my back, which is really bad because now she thinks I have the shakes. But Mama has that I’m taking you to the vet tone. And I don’t wanna go.

I SNEEZED! I’m not sick. Paw swear.

Anyway, Mama is a mess because she is 100% dependent on MaxE. She is all: Woe is me. Why is my cat sick.

Again – not sick!

It’s so annoying. Every time I sneeze she reacts like I peed on her favorite pair of flip-flops. It’s just a few sneezes. No big whoop.

Then I have the tiniest sneezing fit. And do you know what my Mama says to me? Do you?

She says, “MaxE, you have the wimpiest sneezes.”

She insults my sneezes! She’s been running around like a crazy woman for the past three days because I sneezed like 7 times, then she insults how I sneeze?

MAMA. DRAMA.

Honestly, you can’t make that woman happy.

I managed to avoid the vet because I was still super playful and ate all of my food. Otherwise I’m sure my Mama would have taken me to get poked and prodded, which I did not need.

Geez Louise. You would have thought I was constipated or something.

Anyway, Mama is finally chilling out. Of course, guess who got woken up rudely this morning because someone — who shall remain nameless — was sneezing up a storm?

She swears she’s not sick and only has allergies. I have allergies too. To Mama drama.

Max

P.S. Mama asked me to give you an update on her goals. And she did real good her first week, which is amazing since she spent most of wailing over me and my sneezes. Just saying. Anyway, she meet her health, wealth and writing goals, thank goodness! I did not have the strength to deal with all the Mama Drama if she had not. She’ll update you next Monday herself.