Hi ya, everyone! I know it’s not Monday but Mama asked me to fill in for her today. Being the cool cat that I am, I said meow! I always have plenty to meow about because I’m always getting into mischief. Uhhhhh … playing. I’m always playing, which is different than mischief-making. Paw swear.
Between you and me, I’m pretty sure Mama didn’t have recipe ready to go for today because she was all Drama Mama about whether she should start her Easter recipes now or wait. It’s a real good thing I’m here to take care of Mama and help her out.
Could you kindly remind her of this? She forgot to give me my bedtime treat last night. That was rude. I deserve extra treats tonight!
Anyway, I want to meow to you about my Mama. She always tells me that I am the coolest cat, which is true. That I am handsome, which is also true. She also accuses me of being so goofy-like, which is not true. I am not the goofy one; Mama is.
She Confuses Animals
Now Mama is pretty smart. She adopted me, so she’s no dummy. But man! She gets her animals all mixed-up and I thought you humans learned to differentiate animals when you were little. Let me give you a couple examples.
We were snuggling in bed. Mama had her arm wrapped around me, tucking me close to her side. She rubbed my belly and gave me a couple of smooches on the top of my head. Nice! But then she says, “MaxE, you are the best snuggle bunny!”
I AM NOT A BUNNY! I am a FELINE!
This is very concerning to me because I particularly don’t want to be a bunny, especially since Easter is fast approaching. Mama might get extra confused and decide to dress me up for Easter like she did to the prima donna cat, Emeril.
NO BUNNY EARS FOR MIGHTY MAX!
Not convinced yet? Well, the other day I woke up to grumbling. Mama was accusing me of being a bed hog.
I AM NOT A HOG OR A PIGGY!
This one is really disturbing because Mama lived on a farm where they had piggies when she was little. She should know what a PIGGY looks like. It does not look like ME!
They are also super stinky and I BATHE ALL THE TIME. I smell good!
Oh, Mama. You are so goofy-like.
She Talks to Inanimate Objects
Now I’m a real live kitty, no stuffed kitty here! I purr, eat, scratch, meow, pee and poop! So I understand why Mama talks to me. I don’t always understand why she occasionally yells at me. It’s not my fault that her sunglasses mysteriously got pushed off the kitchen table. I have no idea how that potato ended up in the bathroom. MaxE is innocent!
I like talking to Mama as she always answers back and wants to hear about my day. But it’s WEIRD how she talks to inanimate objects. Like I swear she babbles to her computer all day long. She mutters, mumbles and shouts!
Blah, blah, blah.
She says she is “proofing” her writing, which is Mama-speak for pure goofiness.
She also does this weird thing when she talks to this small black rectangle thingy. Even weirder, is that I can hear people talking back. I don’t understand how they can fit inside!
I ain’t gonna lie; it kinda freaks me out. Sometimes when she talks on the “phone”, I run and hide underneath the bed.
She thinks I’m being goofy but I’m not. She’s the goofy one.
Two Goofy Peas in a Pod
Mama always says we’re two peas in a pod. I’m not 100% sure what that means but I think it’s good. What I do know for sure is that Mama is waaaaaaaaaaay more goofy-like than I am. Don’t you agree?
Max
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