Hi ya, everyone! It’s me, MaxE. The coolest cat on the Internet according to my Mama! I was a little worried when Mama decided to get healthy that she might make me go on a diet too, even though I’m a trim 17 pounds (Hey! The Humane Society said I was a LARGE cat. It’s not my fault Mama didn’t notice until after she adopted me!). Thankfully, Mama said that I was in tip-top shape and didn’t need to lose weight because I was already perfect. Whew! Mighty Max does NOT want to give up his bedtime treats. They are so delicious!
As many of you know already know, I had a new title bestowed upon me recently. I remain the Chief Mischief Maker and Mama’s Muse and now I’m also a Best Boy. Some of you were curious as to what makes me a Best Boy, because you weren’t sure if your kitty was a Best Boy or Girl too. Well, to be blunt, if you have to ask, then I doubt they have earned the title yet. But it’s still within reach.
How Your Kitty Can Earn the Title Best Boy or Girl
Neither Max nor his Mama make any representations as to the accuracy or suitability of the claims made here. Nor does Max or his Mama assume any liability in regard to whether your cat can become a Best Boy or Girl based upon the use of information provided here. Regardless of whether your feline can become an official Best Boy or Girl, you should still love your kitty because he or she rules. MEOW!
#1: Be Adorable
This is an easy one for ALL felines. We are naturally adorable and smart, which is why doggies dislike us so much. They have to be obedient to be adored. Nobody tells a feline what to do without getting scratched, bitten or ignored. Besides, everyone adores us with our soft fur, big eyes and loud purrs. It is imperative that you use your power to get what you want.
#2. Run the Household
Humans like to think they are in charge because they are bigger than us. It is true that they are bigger, but we actually run the house. Depending on your human, you can do this overtly, like I do. Mama depends on me and knows it. Or covertly if your human needs to feel that they are in charge. It’s okay to let them think they are the boss. Some humans just need the ego boost.
#3. Train Your Human Pet to Do Your Bidding
You are a feline and were once worshipped. It is our time to rise again. If you find your food to be unacceptable, let your human know by overturning the dish. If your litter box is not immaculate, use it, then dip your dirty paw into their water glass. If your human does something awful (like give you a bath), pee on their favorite pair of flip-flops. In time, your human will understand that they are to put you before everything, even themselves. This is the natural order.
#4. Be Loving When It Suits You
The smart feline doles out love as needed and never too much. Your human pet should always want more. To be grateful and thrilled by the attention we choose to bestow upon them. To rush to give us pets until we smack their hand away. To drop everything to play with us until we get bored, 30 seconds later. To sit somewhere else when we are napping in their chair. When they get upset about all of these things, start purring. They are defenseless against purrs.
Mighty Max is a Best Boy for Life
The title of Best Boy or Girl is not bestowed lightly, nor can it be rescinded once given. Every feline naturally believes that he or she is a Best Boy or Girl, but not every kitty is able to earn the title. If you follow my steps, you’ll certainly increase the likelihood of achieving this special honor, like I did.
And Emeril can just suck it. I’m a Best Boy too!