Hi ya, everyone! It’s me, Mighty Max! Did you miss me? I’m not real thrilled that Mama only lets me blog once per month. I used to blog weekly! Mama says I should be content because some kitties don’t get to meow their thoughts to everyone, like I do. This is horrifying! I beseech all Cat Mamas and Papas to allow your felines to meow on your blog. Don’t deny them their right to share their awesomeness with the world. Of course, I’m the most awesome cat in the world, but I bet your kitty is pretty cool too. Just not as cool as me. To be clear. Got it? Good!
After a short time-out …
Mama says that I must first apologize for insinuating that your cat is not as cool as me. While I stand by my claim to be the most awesome cat in the world, Mama insists that there could be cooler cats than me, since I have not met every cat in the world. Though I doubt a cooler cat exists, I am a good kitty who obeys her Mama, so I apologize if I hurt you and your feline’s feelings. You are both cool.
Mama also said that I wouldn’t get treats if I didn’t apologize, so please be sure to note my apology.
It is sincere.
2 Things that Make MaxE Go Whaaaatttt?
Now back to my post! Cats are naturally observant creatures. We notice everything. That’s right — everything. Here are a couple of things that make my whiskers tingle.
The Vacuum Cleaner
I have been told that Mr Diva, aka Emeril, the Most Constipated Cat, was afraid of the vacuum cleaner. Me, I have a healthy respect for it. I take great pride that I don’t run away when it vrooms to life. I keep my distance because I’m not an idiot, although I don’t hide under the bed, like you-know-who did. What I just don’t understand is why it is so LOUD and SCARY sometimes, then sits so silently most of the time. It’s very stoic. Occasionally, I give it a good sniff or head butt and it does nothing. But it remembers. Because when Mama turns it on, I swear it chases after me. It has gotten a taste for me and wants to vacuum all my fur right off of my body, leaving me naked. This means Mama would insist on me wearing clothes, so it’s a good thing I can outrun it.
But I’m not scared of it. To be clear. Unlike you know who.
Felines might be the most perfect creature God ever created. It’s why there are no feline plastic surgeons. I cannot think of a single thing that I would change about myself, whereas humans are never happy with their appearance. Not me. I. AM. PERFECT. Thus, you can imagine my shock when Mama accused me of being “too hairy”. Say what? How can I, the most perfect creature in the world, be too hairy? It’s NOT possible. But Mama chases after me with that stupid comb and insists on brushing me. And people, it hurts. Tug, tug, tug. All she cares about is how much fur she can yank out. There is no need; I can groom myself! I just don’t understand this foolishness.
It’s a Cat’s Life for MaxE
Max rant over. Thank you for allowing me to meow my angst. It’s not easy being perfect 24/7 and sometimes I just gotta let out my concerns and frustrations. But don’t worry — MaxE is a grateful feline. He knows he has a good life with Mama. She would never let the vacuum eat me and she never yells where I hack up hairballs, although it does mean the dreaded comb makes an appearance. Still, I got a good life and I deserve it.
Cuz, I’m awesome.
P.S. Mama asked me to inform you that we are taking the rest of week off. Because I am a gracious and helpful feline, I offered to blog again but Mama reminded me that my paws are too big to use her laptop. And I don’t know how to type. Or spell. Or read. And she also needs to use the laptop. So I guess that’s a no.