Hi ya, everyone! It’s me, MaxE! Or maybe you should start calling me President Max! El gato para presidente! It does seem a bit unfair that last month the major parties held this thing called a convention. Well, where was MaxE’s convention? I think the Felines Rule Party should have one too. It’s not fair to exclude us. We have rights too!
I want hundreds of balloons to fall from the sky so I can pounce on them, popping those patriotic balloons with my sharp claws. Okay, the loud bang might scare me but still … it would be loads of fun and good exercise (Mama thinks I’m getting too heavy. Lies, I tell you). Plus, it would be super cool if a bunch of feline fans came out to say nice things about me because I am a really cool kitty. #truth
But Mama says she doesn’t have the time to put on a Feline Convention, which is sort of a lame excuse. She has plenty of time. She reads. She watches TV. She sleeps. She eats. Time she should be dedicating to making me the next president of this great country — don’t you agree? I mean, at the very least, she could play with me.
But she doesn’t need to brush me. Mama is obsessed with my cat hair. She claims I am “too hairy” and to quote Vice-President Biden — that’s a bunch of “malarkey”. I have the perfect amount of hair. It’s not my fault that it’s hot and shedding season.
Anyway, I know why you are all here today: to learn who my Vice-President will be. Now, let me tell you this was not an easy choice. I take my job very seriously and carefully vetted my potential running mates.
Here Were the Nominees
I considered many, many candidates but narrowed it down to these few.
He is a ginger like me. He is lazy like me. He is a boss like me. But he eats lasagna, which is a major no-no (Cats should not eat garlic or onion, seriously. It is toxic to them.) and he also has a pet doggie. Gross.
He is a tuxedo cat like me. He is a boy kitty like me. But he gets bested by a birdie, which is a major failure on his part.
He gets bested by a mouse. A mouse! An embarrassment to felines everywhere.
Puss N Boots
He is a smart like me. He is a ginger like me. Mama adores him like …. NOPE.
My Vice-President is …
No one! Dude, I’m a cat. I got nine lives, so there is no need for a Vice-President on my ticket. MaxE is all the feline and government leader you need! Don’t forget to vote for Mighty Max this November. I’m the feline you can depend on 24/7, unless it’s nap-time, then please leave a message with Mama.
El gato para presidente!